Oh To Feel Normal Again....
I thought I would blog about this now, because I don't know how I will feel after Thursday and if I will want to.

In early February, Scott and I found out we were expecting. I know some of you knew this, some expect, and some are just learning about this.

It was a total shock and a great surprise as we have wanted to have another child for SO long. With our past history with pregnancy loss (Ectopic and a miscarriage), my Dr is great at being on top of everything and getting me in right away to check things out.

We had to wait a week for my HCG levels to be high enough for anything to show up on an ultrasound.
We went in for the first ultrasound on the 12th of February, they said the pregnancy looked good, was probably around 5 weeks as their was no heartbeat yet, but normal for that time, everyone was positive that it was a good pregnancy, but were scheduled to come back in next week to check again.

The next time we went it, there were two yolk sacs (identical twins) but no heart beat. We were told that it was a weird ultra sound. My Dr. wanted us to give the pregnancy time, as twin pregnancies can be different, we could still be really early (I have to say, every time I heard that I wanted to scream, no I am not really early, I was keeping track), anything could happen.
Deep down my heart was breaking, from our past experience, to me this was not looking good.

We have had five ultrasounds since finding out we were expecting. After this last ultrasound my Dr. finally agreed with the ultra sound techs and my gut feeling that it was not going to be a viable pregnancy.

We had hoped and prayed for a miracle but for what ever reason, it was not to be at this time. The good out of this, is we know we can get pregnant, now to try and find out why we can't stay pregnant. Best explanation without it being tested yet was from my friend who did one of the ultrasounds said to her it looked like twins that did not separate properly.

We have decided to have my Dr. remove the pregnancy on Thursday morning, as it is not coming naturally, like my last miscarriage did.

Though it hurts so much to loose another pregnancy, I am eternally grateful to our Heavenly Father for our beautiful daughter Peyton. She is truly our miracle child, and I am so grateful to have her in my life.
I am grateful for family and friends who have prayed and fasted for us and this pregnancy. I am grateful for each of them, for their faith,love and willingness to help in any way possible, even just a note letting us know they are thinking of us.
I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for the atonement of our Savior, I am grateful for prayer and for priesthood blessings, for the peace and comfort that we have been blessed with at this time.

I know Thursday will be hard, I do look forward to feeling normal again, this is really taking a toll on my body this time, to be able to move on and to be able to try again.

New Calling
Well, they finally decided what to do with the crazy situation. I was released from teaching the 14 year olds, or as I like to call it "fired for telling the kids to grow up and act their age :)

I am now the new...wait for it....wait for it....building librarian.
Totally not what I expected, I don't think callings ever are though. The councilor who extended the calling to me, asked me about four times if I thought I would be able to do this calling, all I could think of was "really, do you want me to say no?"
I have been raised, taught and believe that we are extended callings through inspiration and that we agree to those before we came to this earth, and that we will be blessed if we accept them and fulfill them to the best we can.

I do have to say that I am not to sure about this calling yet, but I am willing to do my best, and hopefully gain a testimony of the importance of the library.